How To Be A Bad Boy

“What is a bad boy? He’s a rebel without a cause, a cool dude in a motorcycle jacket. A real life Huckleberry Finn who wants to take you on a wild river ride to adventure. He’s wounded, moody, misunderstood, a dreamer, a seducer, a daredevil. He’s a man of mystery, and a fascinating paradox. He’s both a lost little boy, and a man with a dark side. He breaks your heart with his wicked ways. But whether he’s a wanting wolf or a dangerous desperado he makes you long to rescue him from his pain. He’s hurtful, cruel, or simply careless and self absorbed, but you simply can’t resist jumping on his motorcycle and roaring off into the sunset with him, and once you’ve given him your heart forever, he’s gone with the wind. He’s someone who sets off throbbing sexual, and aggressive passions within you. Because he’s aloof and elusive, you get caught up in the challenge and excitement of the chase. Though he’s not always someone you’d really want even if you did capture him. A bad boy may tell you he’s generally right. He’s a frog you hope to turn into fairy tale prince with the magic of your kiss.”

-Bad Boys by Carole Lieberman

April 2001
As I was writing “The Story of the Pseudo Midget” and soaking in the sorrows of my now past relationshit. I got a text on my phone from a girl I hadn’t heard from in about 5 years. Not that there was anything bad about her, quite the opposite actually. We just kind of lost touch over the years. It happens to the best of them, and she was definitely one of the best. She’s like the oracle she knows me so well. So let’s call her, Oracle. Which made it that much sweeter that I was hearing from her again. Definitely was just what the doctor ordered to heal my aching heart. Here’s the text convo:

Oracle: “Hey, it’s been forever, how are you?”

Me: “Don’t take this personally, but who the fuck are you?”

Oracle: “I forgot you didn’t have my new phone number. It’s me Oracle.”

Me: “Holy shit it has been forever. So you are still alive! How the fuck are you!?”

Oracle: “I’m ok, I guess.”

Me: “You guess? That doesn’t sound too ok to me.”

Oracle: “You know, life.”

Me: “Yea, I know, life. What about life?”

Oracle: “It’s a long story. Why don’t you come out and see me?”

Me: “It’s been like 5 years I don’t know if you deserve me coming out to see you. I don’t even know where you live now.”

Oracle: “I live in Philly now. And I definitely deserve you, did you forget how great I am?”

Me: “You were ok…but I never forget. Why are you awake this late?”

Oracle: “Insomnia. I totally deserve you coming out to see me today.”

Me: “Today!? I have to work tonight. I work overnight.”

Oracle: “So? You can sleep here.”

Me: “I don’t know, I’m going to need a better reason than I can sleep there.”

Oracle: “I don’t know if I want to get in trouble though.”

Me: “My kind of trouble is fun as hell though.”

Oracle: “lol I can’t disagree with that.”

Me: “If you want to see me so bad maybe you should come out to me. It’d be easier. And you KNOW I’ll make it fun.”

Oracle: “Fine.”

So I gave her my address, and saw the usefulness of not changing your phone number for over a decade. Sometimes people from your past that you’d actually enjoy will try and reach you again. We arranged for her to come from Philly right there on the spot. Since it’s a two hour bus ride I had time to take a shower and get the work stench off of me. 

She got into NYC and asked me to go pick her up. I refused. It took her about 45 minutes to get to my place. I began wondering if she’d make it. My place is only about a 20 minute walk from the bus station. She made it. Told me she couldn’t find a cab. I told her she was lazy. 

She was better than I remembered. Easily the best I’ve had to this day. She sucked on my Popsicle like it had been dipped in chocolate and sprinkles. Rode me like a porn star. Not many women in my life have made my toes curl or made me cling to the sheets like my life depended on it. She did. I nearly pulled the sheets off of my bed. I didn’t care. Further through it, I did pull the sheets off of my bed. Again, I didn’t care. She choked me, scratched me, bit me, tied me down, and I returned the favors. It was the best shark sex I’d ever had. By the time we were done, my body looked like it had been run through a meat grinder…multiple times. Oddly, I felt rejuvenated, like I had found the fountain of youth. 

We crashed right after seeing as how I’d been working all night and she’d had insomnia the whole night. Oddly I felt at ease actually sleeping with her. I almost never sleep with or even cuddle with a girl in my arms. There’s a handful of women I’ve done that with. They should feel honored. Still, even with a gorgeous woman, who is probably close to number 1 on my list of greatest in bed, and has a completely awesome personality, in my arms, all I was thinking about as I fell asleep was thinking of an excuse to leave so I can go visit another one of my hookups. Yea, Demon Child is here in full force right now. 

For one reason or another I decided against it. Stayed with Oracle the rest of the day. Maybe I was just tired. When we woke up we had a very limited amount of time together seeing as how I needed to go to work that night. I genuinely enjoy her company so I decided to walk her to the bus. On the way there the conversation took a rather interesting turn when I asked why she’d contacted me after so many years.

Me: “So after all this time, what made you think about me again?”

Oracle: “I never really stopped.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Oracle: “I don’t know. There’s just something about you. You’re mysterious, I can never quite figure you out. You have the bad boy thing down. And with you it’s not just an image, it’s actually what you are. You take no shit from anyone. You’re a wild fire, and at the same time, I feel protected around you. You’re an individual and you don’t need to take cues from the outside world on how to live your life. You’re just you, and you’re unapologetic about it. It’s like; ‘Here I am, take it or leave it.’ The way that even back then, and still to this day, you never really cared to fit in with anyone, or any group. That takes courage. I don’t know if this makes sense but you’re more of an individual than any individual I’ve ever met. That is unbelievably sexy.”

Me: “Oh come on, I’m sure there have been other ‘bad boys’ in your life.”

Oracle: “There have.”

Me: “I know, I know, someone like me only comes around once in a lifetime.”

She giggles a little bit.

Me: “Still 5 years is a long time to be thinking about someone. You’re bordering on stalker status.”

She punches me on the shoulder.

Oracle: “Asshole.”

There’s a moment of silence as she gathers her thoughts. I’m still staggering from the devotion I’ve been shown.

Oracle: “But most of them just do it for the fashion. They don’t really live it like you do. You are an honest to goodness rebel without a cause. And even those that do really live it, they’re still not…Marco. I’ll never know what it is, and I can’t describe it any other way. You’re Marco, and no one else is.”

Me: “No shit! That’s what I’ve always said.”

Oracle: “And you’re an asshole!”

Me: “Listen flattery will not get you a goodbye kiss.”

She shoves me slightly while laughing. I pick her up and threaten to dump her in a nearby garbage can. She manages to squirm away from me before I can do so. When we get to the bus stop we find out there’s a good half an hour wait between when we got there and when the next bus to Philly arrives. She suggests we go to a bar and do some shots. I’m game. We order a couple of shots of Whiskey.

Me: “Here’s to me being that irresistable bad boy. Here’s to us reuniting again after 5 years. Here’s to unbelievable sex, and it getting even better as time goes on. Here’s to us…actually here’s to me, because I am fucking awesome! 

She laughs and we do our shots. We end up doing about 5 more before the bus arrives. We share an incredibly passionate kiss before she boards the bus and I go off to work smiling like a cheshire cat. 

Please feel free to leave comments or thoughts. All comments and thoughts are at risk of being verbally assaulted.