The Story of the Pseudo Midget

I usually don’t tend to write about my relationships. Even though I believe I can find the humor in anything. Hell I’ve found the humor in death before, why not relationships and heartbreak? Most of the time I don’t want to look back at relationships of my past. They’re often painful and despite me not regretting a lot in my life, just because I don’t regret it doesn’t mean I want to remember it. The difference here is that I am writing this within a week of these events happening. And I guess I need to vent, and quite possibly give myself some closure, since she definitely didn’t. Wow I kind of sound like a chick in that last paragraph. Shit, when I’m done with this article I’m going to watch some porn, grab my nuts, down a bottle of bourbon, wolf whistle at random girls, and have some meaningless sex. Yea, that’ll make me feel manly again. Anyway, on to the actual story.

Back in July of 2009 I met a girl. We’ll call her The Midget (She’s 4’11”). I had a few close friends over for the 4th of July, wasn’t supposed to be anything big. The absolute last thing that I ever expected was to meet a girl that night. To my surprise that’s exactly what happened. A cute chick just falls right into my lap. I’d faint surprise but it happens so often I don’t think I could. 

My lesbian friend Dwarf walked in and behind her was a really cute…short chick. We caught eyes right as she was walking in. I kept my cool, I’m not the kind of person that loses his cool easily. I didn’t approach her right away. It wasn’t until a few hours went by, after we’d caught each other’s eyes a few times that I finally went over and sat next to her.

The first thing I asked was if she was straight or gay. To my relief she was straight. We had a pretty long conversation, and ended up making fun of everyone at the get together, together. She was a pretty cool girl. Beautiful girls are a dime a dozen, but a beautiful girl with an equally beautiful personality is almost like a mythical creature. 

It’s safe to say that we had an instant connection, a rare instant spark that only happens once, maybe twice in someone’s lifetime, if they’re lucky. Me and Dwarf ended up walking her to the Subway. On the way there I guess Dwarf noticed what was going on between me and the Midget and offered to leave us alone. We told her to stop being dumb. I got her phone number and she went home. 

Over the rest of July and August we’d talk and flirt pretty much everyday. Eventually we started hooking up. She had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t ready to get into a new one. But we both wanted to be with each other. One night after a party, at about 5 in the morning, we sat outside of my apartment just talking. This was more then just a booty call. We wanted to be with each other we were just both resisting the urge. So I went for it. 

Me: “Listen, you like me.”

Midget: “I do. I like you a lot.”

Me: “I know, but don’t interrupt me that’s annoying.”

She laughed and I continued. 

Me: “You like me, you like me a lot, I can tell by the way you look at me. By the way you smile with me. You smile at me in a completely different way then anybody else. And to be honest, I kind of like you too.”

Midget: (smiling) “Just kind of huh?”

Me: “Yea, kind of. But I don’t want to hear any arguments from you. You’re my chick, and I’m your dude and that’s that.”

Midget: “Ok.”

And that was that. She became my girlfriend. And we were happy. We fell deeply in love with each other. But it wasn’t a fairy tale. Demons from her past relationship kept popping up. She felt like she needed time to be alone. Which I didn’t understand back then, but I kind of do now. 

We broke up a couple of times. Until in late 2010 we broke up for the final time. I did all I could to get over her, and convince myself that I didn’t need her. For 5 months I pushed her away, and tried to live life without her. But to this day I still think about her. In March of 2011 I bit the bullet and texted her. “I miss you.” She texted me back that she missed me too. We spoke for a while and even made plans to speak about the possibility of getting back together. 

We arranged a day to meet up and talk. She canceled and to my own detriment I lost my cool. I spoke to my friend Iron Mike about it. And we got into it pretty good. 

Iron: “Dude you should just give her another chance stop being so hardheaded.”

Marco: “I gave her a chance, she dumped me.”

Iron: “Oh my god, you’re such a spoiled brat.”

Marco: “You can’t be spoiled when you work hard for everything you have.”

Iron: “You didn’t work hard for any of the girls you got. You always just luckily fall into massive amounts of pussy.”

Marco: “It’s hard work being this awesome.”

Iron: “I hate you.”

Marco: “No you don’t, I’m too awesome.”

Iron: “Whatever, dude you love her. You owe it to her, you owe it to yourself. Talk to her.”

Marco: “Fine, but if something goes wrong, and my fragile heart gets broken again, I’m holding you personally responsible.”

Iron: “Fragile, ha! Yea right!”

So me and in what many ways is the love of my life spoke some more. I ended up finding out she has a new boyfriend. Needless to say I immediately freaked out. But she said that she still wants to talk. She still loves me, she still thinks about me despite being with someone else. So she still wants to have our talk. 

We never spoke. Maybe she’s scared to see me, maybe she’s scared of what he results might be, I do not know. I wouldn’t blame her for continuing to move on though. But if she still thinks about me now after 6 months apart and a few people between us, I don’t think it’s fair to me, to her, or the other guy that me and her don’t have this conversation sooner then later. If nothing more then just for closure. However that didn’t happen. She pushed me away, yet again, and so I told her that I could no longer continue to be in her life. I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her with someone else. So as hard as it was to do, I deleted her from my phonebook, and Facebook. And I told her never to contact me again. This is the one woman in my life I will admit to wishing things had worked out differently between us. But it didn’t, and even though it felt like the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, I told her to get out of my life, for good. That night, I snuck up to my roof (against the rules) with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and my other hand in a fist pointing straight up to the sky, I dared the skies to give me a reason to pray. I got no answer. So I went back home and finished off the bottle, and fell asleep. 

I don’t blame her for trying to move on. I’m not easy to be with and at this point in my life I’ve given up all hope of ever having a meaningful long term relationship with a woman. I am Marco Nieves; The Untamable! I’m an asshole, I push people away, I’m cold, I’m hard headed, I’m overly passionate, and my whole life, I’ve been a loner. Never wanted to belong, never cared to fit in, never wanted to be a part of any group. Yet somehow people still love being around me. Weird huh? Chicks take note, I’m great in bed, but I’m an asshole and you should keep away. Definitely shouldn’t be in a relationship with me. Meaningless sex is ok. I’ll bounce back eventually, I always do. My will, and confidence is indestructible. I’ve always said; the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. So how many will it take this time? Care to take any bets? I’ve already been through my fair share. I broke a thousand hearts, and I’ll break a thousand more. Time to be that loner I’ve always been, again. I’m sure I’ll have a whole lot of fun doing it too. I always do.

Now I’d love to be able to say that I want nothing more than to throw her off my roof, eye socket first onto a railroad spike, but that’s simply not true. I still care about her. Wait. Did I really just write that? I have feelings? Where did those come from? A feeling of great ambivalence comes over me when I think of her. Maybe it’s because despite everything she never gave me a reason to hate her. Maybe it’s because we as humans, like things that are bad for us. Like candy, or greasy fast food. Yup that might be it. She is my greasy fast food. Or maybe it’s because despite being a giant egghead with a 4.0 GPA, she was and is still very ignorant about life. While she hurt me way more than possibly any other girl I’ve been with. It wasn’t like she knew what she was doing. She didn’t know any better. I believe deep down she is still a great person, she just didn’t know how to deal with the situation. You can’t hate a retard for not knowing any better. Despite it all, I still have my smile, and I still have my happiness. Now I just need to find some new shark sex, and some new vaginal triumph.

Please feel free to leave comments or thoughts. All comments and thoughts are at risk of being verbally assaulted.