1 Part Saint And 2 Parts Sinner

February 14th, 2011

I’ve been called conceited, I’ve been called narcissistic, I’ve been called a lot of things actually. I prefer to think of myself as Marco Nieves, that guy with unshakable confidence who doesn’t care what the world thinks of him. Marco Nieves who throws his middle finger up at the world because all he needs is a bottle of booze and some screaming girls. I usually respond by telling them that it’s not being conceited if it’s the truth, and when you’re this awesome it’s hard not to be at least a little narcissistic. The people that get really angry at the things I do or say usually resort to calling me an asshole, or something similar. I shrug my shoulder and respond with a simple “I know.” or “So?” That usually gets them even more upset but I really don’t care. Maybe they’re partly right, but only partly.

One of my favorite bands is Godsmack. They have a song called “Saints and Sinners” which I feel describes me perfectly. The line “I’m one part saint, and two parts sinner, and the last part is still on the line” describes me perfectly. Although at the moment that last part is leaning way more towards sinner than saint.

I showed that I had some morals in the story “Boobs In Mah Face” but in the following I’ll show the opposite of that. Complete and total uncaring and recklessness. Yet somehow I still manage to show that I actually care about someone? I’m a walking contradiction, deal with it. I have been deeply in love in the past. In many ways, I still am.

I’m sure one day in the future I’ll be deeply in love again. But for now I am perfectly happy being single and whoring around until the right woman comes. For right now, I’m sticking to being everyone’s favorite asshole. The one you all love, the one that you love to laugh at, and be shocked by. Screw it, enough being modest, let’s face it, I am full of awesome.

Valentine’s day 2011 wasn’t my finest hour. I was still reeling from a break up back in October/November, and it seemed like everyone I knew had someone to spend the day with except me. So what do I do? What do you think Marco would do? I went out to a bar to drink alone before going to work.

I get to the bar and I intended to just have a couple of beers. Got there pretty early at around 6pm. Sat down at the bar and ordered a Heineken. Halfway through my beer I notice a girl walk in. Beautiful face, great body. I made it obvious that I was looking at her. Had a half smile on my face. She comes over and sits next to me. To my surprise she orders a Heineken as well.

Girl: “So you’re at a bar, drinking alone on Valentine’s day?”

Aside from my obvious interest in her, I was still in a bad mood, pretty cranky. So I made it clear that I didn’t want to talk.

Me: “Drinking alone and cursing your whole rib stealing gender to hell.”

Girl: “That’s a really ugly way to talk about women.”

Me: “It’s ok, I’m only ugly on the inside.”

Girl: “You think your looks are going to get you through life?”

Me: “They’ve worked pretty well so far. Hot girls like me with or without alcohol. People think I’m approachable, and just smiling seems to make some people’s days.”

Girl: “And yet here you are single and drinking alone at a bar on Valentine’s day.”

Me: “The fact that I chose to be alone and wallow in my misery has nothing to do with my obvious good looks not being able to get me through life. It was a choice to be alone.”

Girl: “Wallow in your misery? Am I sensing heartbreak?”

Me: “A smart girl at a bar? Holy shit. I thought that only existed in fairy tales.”

Girl: “So who was she?”

Me: “The only girl I really cared about in the last six years. We dated for a year and then she abandoned me.”

Girl: “With your personality I don’t have to wonder why.”

Me: “Smart ass.”

Girl: “You’re about as abrasive as sand paper.”

Me: “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”

Girl: “No I hate you because you’re an asshole.”

Me: “But you’re still sitting here talking to me. If I’m such an asshole why are you still attracted to me?”

Girl: “Who said I was attracted to you?”

Me: “The obvious bedroom eyes you’re giving me.”

At this point she begins blushing and looks away trying to conceal it.

Me: “So do I have to insult you some more before you give me your number or are you ready now?”

Girl: “I’ll give it to you. But only because I’m sensing there’s more to you then a bad attitude and good looks.”

Me: “Oh Hun, there is a lot more to me then that. But you’re going to have to impress me more before I let you see that side of me.”

Girl: “Impress you more? Means I already started impressing you?”

Me: “See I knew there was more to you than an amazing ass.”

Girl: “I also have a face. With really nice lips attached to it.”

Me: “It’s not the lips that count it’s what you’re willing to do with them.”

Girl: “You have some big balls there buddy.”

Me: “Flattery will get you no where. How about you give me that phone number now?”

She writes down her phone number on a napkin and hands it to me.

Girl: “What you’re leaving already?”

Me: “Yea, I have to get to work unfortunately.”

Girl: “Let me guess. Male stripper?”

Me: “Professional hop scotch player.”

She starts laughing and hits me on the shoulder.

Me: “Violent much? That’s kind of sexy.”

I point to my cheek.

Me: “How about a kiss?”

She leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I turn at the last second and kiss her on the mouth. She blushes but doesn’t turn away. I lean in and go for it. She accepts. We make out for a good five minutes before I’m able to pull away from her.

Me: “I really have to go. There’s a hop scotch tournament I really have to get to.”

She laughs some more as I walk away. I catch her reflection on the window as I exit the bar. Yea, she looked back. I kept my cool. I didn’t. Just left wishing I didn’t have to go to work. Damn that overnight gig.

Please feel free to leave comments or thoughts. All comments and thoughts are at risk of being verbally assaulted.